Beyond 'What Do You Do?'
From The Essays of Arthur Schopenhauer: the Wisdom of Life by Arthur Schopenhauer. Trans. T. Bailey Saunders (New York: Dover Publications, 2004), pp.34:
For, after all, the foundation of our whole nature, and, therefore, of our happiness, is our physique, and the most essential factor in happiness is health, and, next in
importance after health, the ability to maintain ourselves in independence and freedom from care.
I was one of several artists whose work was displayed in an art exhibition that took place on Thursday. It was themed Letters to Our Loved Ones. A big thank you to Ndaya, Purpel’s Tigress in chief, for giving me the opportunity to be a part of it. You’re appreciated. It was wonderful to spend time with friends, becoming more at ease with being in public spaces and visible to others. Looking forward to many more. I plan to write a detailed post about it in the future, but first, I need to gather my thoughts on the before, during, and after the show observations. Perhaps other artists might find it useful. Overall, I feel a deep sense of gratitude for both the divine and earthly support I’ve received so far. 💐
What I want to write about today is something that has been stewing in my mind for years now. I find the question, ‘What do you do?’ particularly annoying. Two years ago, at a dinner, I was asked that question. Without realising it, the words ‘minding my business’ slipped out as my response. This rude, albeit unintentional, reply was a reflection of my deep dislike of the question. To provide a bit of context, before being asked, the person had not spoken to me, and I hadn’t spoken to anyone except the friends I had gone with. Till today that response still surprises me. On a good day, out of politeness, I would respond with ‘tech’ if someone asked about my job. If the person was sufficiently curious, they would want to know what kind, and maybe a real conversation could begin. The question is not all that bad, at least when it’s genuine. It is a common social practice, serving as an icebreaker that could open the door to further conversations. It allows individuals to discover commonalities or areas of mutual interest. People can be truly interested in learning more because something about you piqued their interest, perhaps the way you dress or carry yourself. They may have made guesses about your profession and want to confirm if their assumptions are correct. It’s all well and good if the asker has good intentions, but after attending many social events, I find the question repetitive and unoriginal—it almost feels like it lacks effort. As an icebreaker, it's as if the icepick has become blunt and ineffective. A stranger once asked me a more interesting question: ‘What are you working on?’ I thought about it and realised I could talk about my vertical development efforts which is internal/or external projects that could be seen or felt. Alternatively, I could choose to say that I was working on nothing. ☀️
I can also tell people that I am unemployed, which isn’t untrue in a way. Being an entrepreneur is almost the equivalent of being unemployed unless one has created a phenomenal business that employs numerous people and rakes in stacks on stacks. But then again, you can’t belittle the work of your own hands. Every great thing starts from humble beginnings, except for Donald Trump, who received a ‘small loan’ of $1 million from his father. Ignore me; I am just trolling, of course. But often times, I notice dick measuring games especially at social events. Yes, I am a fan of capitalism, but sometimes the expectations of capitalism exhaust me. When I say I am unemployed, I usually brace myself for sympathy or the subtle display of superiority from others. However, the answer I give anyone will depend on my day or mood. My stance towards that question is usually cynical. In a capitalistic society like ours, we often view people as tools we can use, determining their potential usefulness to us. If I am at a lovely dinner, and it's not an industry event, please don't ask me what I do unless we have already engaged in a conversation for some time and touched on several topics unrelated to professions. Remember, it's a dinner, not a Chamber of Commerce meeting. When someone asks me the question within the first minute of meeting me, I often wonder if they are trying to gauge my social standing to determine how they should treat me. To me, if I don't sense genuineness, the whole interaction just reeks of opportunism. Do not treat me with respect or deference only after learning what I do, especially if you had treated me with disregard or outright condescension just a few minutes prior. I don’t want to engage in status games with people. Although I might carry a truckload of self-doubt, I find comfort in the knowledge that I have been cared for by a higher power since I was conceived in my mother’s womb. 🍋
The question also prompts an internal chuckle in me because it carries an undertone that seeks to box people into neatly labeled categories, defining us solely by what we do. But I am, and I do, more than one thing. I am the sum of my passions, hobbies, struggles, and the roles I inhabit outside of work. I am a son, a brother, a friend, a dreamer, a citizen, a partner, a builder, an advocate, a learner, a child of God, and so much more. The question dismisses or fails to capture the expanse of those who are multidisciplinary, who refuse to be pigeonholed into a single career path. I am a technologist who makes art, creates music, writes newsletters, advises policymakers, champions the interests of cultures and cultural producers, and so on and so forth. So, how does one summarise such different pursuits in a word, or even a sentence? I refuse to privilege one pursuit over the others because I have discovered, interestingly enough, that they are all interconnected. My worth and my identity transcend my job or title. Instead of that inane question, they could pose open-ended questions that encourage me to willingly share details about myself. Perhaps they could ask, ‘What keeps you up at night?’ ‘What are you passionate about?' or ‘What can’t you stop talking or thinking about?’ They might even delve into topics like recent experiences, food, or movies. I’d even settle for current events and news. We can also allow things to just move organically – that’s when I feel that it’s genuine and not forced or there’s opportunism at play. Open-ended questions in a way allow the conversation to move beyond the surface level, enabling both parties to learn more meaningful and personal details about each other at a comfortable pace. It's also important that they don’t come on too strong; a touch of panache is important. Enough of my ranting today. Sending everyone lots of love and light. 🍇
Thanks for reading. If there's anything you'd like to chat about, or if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you. :) 🍿