Dear Reader: Title this (1)
From The Journal of Eugène Delacroix Trans. Lucy Norton, (London: Phaidon Press, 1995), pp. 15:
We are too prone to blame ourselves for being changeable when it is the object itself that has changed. Nothing is more upsetting! For instance, I have two or three, perhaps four friends, but I am forced to be a different man with each of them, or rather, to show each side of my nature which he understands. It is one of the saddest things in life that we can never be completely known and understood by any one man
I didn't know what to title the post, so I'll leave that up to the reader. Anyway, Reading Eugene Delacroix’s journal entries was one of the inspirations for starting this newsletter. I occasionally read an entry to comfort myself. The interesting thing about reading the journals of 'famous' people is that you realize some of the quandaries you wrestle with are not unique to you. The very people you admire are just as scared, anxious, and flawed as you are. Instead of being disillusioned by this knowledge, it makes me admire the journal writer even more. As usual, when I wrote that, I paused to check the meaning of ‘illusion.’ Collins dictionary defines it as ‘something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality.’ I will go on to say that an illusion involves having an incorrect estimation of a person, object, or event. Your evaluation or assessment of it is most likely incorrect. You priced it wrong. This is not necessarily a bad thing in itself because I may have mentioned in another post that if you had the correct assessment or valuation of reality, you probably wouldn't leave your bed in the morning. In life, romance, and also entrepreneurship, incorrect pricing or evaluation is often a necessary part of the process. When an entrepreneur starts a business, they usually don't fully grasp how challenging market penetration can be or how long it typically takes for a business to turn a profit. If they knew it would be hard and lonely, most would generally avoid it altogether. This concept is even illustrated in the Bible. As Jesus approached his crucifixion, he knelt down on Mount Gethsemane and asked God, his father, if it were possible, to spare him from the upcoming trials. In that moment, Jesus, now fully human, understood the true cost of the journey. Another example is how Daniel Ek didn’t understand much about the music industry when he decided to found Spotify. He nearly reached the point of giving up when he discovered how hard it was to get the record labels onboard. That’s why Spotify wouldn’t have been founded by someone in the music industry. The more appreciation (understanding how complex) you have for a problem, the less likely that you’d have the interest or courage to solve it. Here's an opinion you might not like: No disrespect to Nelson Mandela, but if he had been told that he would spend 27 years in jail when he began his journey, do you think he would have still committed to it? With the possibility that you might either die in jail or your contribution to the liberation of your nation might not be recognised. What then is faith or hope? It's the belief that even when the evidence around you suggests otherwise, you still believe that an unpleasant situation will improve. 🦦
In mob movies, the antagonist often utters the line ‘dig there,’ and the victim obediently starts digging, aware that they're digging the very grave they will be killed and buried in. They don't pause to reply the killer by saying, ‘since you're the one who wants to kill me, so you do the digging.’ The reason the victim keeps digging is their hope that the killer will change their mind or that some divine intervention will prevent the impending tragedy. Well, God forbid but I can confidently say that I won't be digging my own grave. You'd have to shoot me, as I refuse to endure hours of stress before dying. You can strategise and write as many business plans as you like in an attempt to de-risk your potential venture, but in the end, you'll still have a wrong estimation of the challenges that could arise. It's better to have a lower estimation of the problem and discover that you were mistaken than to strive for an accurate estimation —almost impossible, anyway—and then become discouraged and not even try. Yes, you will eventually experience disillusionment. Why? Because, as you act in the world, you'll discover that many of your assumptions aren’t true. Disillusionment often brings sadness because having your assumptions disproven isn't fun. Disillusionment is akin to unveiling the inner workings or, if you prefer, the skeleton of things. Today, I recognise that illusions and disillusionment each have their roles. Illusions encourage us to attempt different things including the impossible, while disillusionment brings you down to earth or helps you appreciate the complexity of the problem. I did digress, I didn’t intend to write about illusions. This is the uncanny thing about writing – you never know where it’s going to lead. Back to Eugene. I'm always amazed when people I look up to talk about their self-doubts, even when they stand on the cusp of creating interesting work that will eventually hold cultural or scientific significance. Delacroix, in one entry, got mad at himself for being easily distracted, which nowadays might be seen as ADHD. I often wonder if he would have taken medication had it been available to him and how that might have affected his art. Did this trait make him a better artist? Well history is the ultimate judge of that. I'm attempting to stay on topic, but, honestly, what's the deal with the overmedication prevalent in modern life? They (whoever they is) are so keen on issuing us all mental crutches. 🐎
We want to medicate everything away. Well, how’s that working out for us? Are we collectively better off? Have suicide rates drop? Has our collective happiness increased? Who stands to gain from prescribing these medications? Anyway, getting back on track, in 1823, Eugene Delacroix wrote about his inability to stave off distractions and I am thinking, ‘dude, try 2023.’ We are practically walking around with distraction generators in our pockets. The passage from his journal that I quoted above reflects his sadness at the idea that no one in this world can truly understand us. I would even venture to say that we will never be able to completely understand our own selves. I chuckled when he wrote, 'I have two or three, perhaps four friends…,' as he himself seemed unsure about the number of friends he had and who he considered a true friend. It appears that he definitely regarded two of them as friends, but the status of the remaining two (‘or three, perhaps four’) was uncertain. What criteria did he use to gauge the depth of these friendships? He attributed his changeability to the object (the people he was interacting with) suggesting that he was compelled to reveal a different facet of himself to each friend, based on what they could understand. And even if all four of them were in the same room, and even though they knew different aspects of him, they still wouldn't be able to piece together the complete picture. He wished for someone who could fully understand him and it’s this impossibility that human beings are inevitably condemned to. Our journeys, shaped by our backgrounds and experiences, are all unique, making it challenging to articulate that to another person. There are benefits to being understood. When we are understood, we flourish in a way because we don't need to explain or expend energy trying to make someone understand us. Once you're understood, you receive support, which reduces uncertainty. However, if you set out to make people understand you, good luck! You will know no peace. Yes, people will misunderstand us, and that's okay. It is this mystery that we all carry inside us that makes life more interesting. To those I haven't and won't possibly understand, please forgive me because I am only human and will strive to be more empathetic in the future. I'll never fully understand you, so please treat me with the same love and kindness when you don't understand me. 🐾
Thanks for reading. If there's anything you'd like to chat about, or if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you. :)