Ho Ho Ho! - Year in Review
From Old Age by Simone de Beauvoir Trans. Patrick O’Brian, (London: Penguin, 1977), pp. 11.
Thinking of myself as an old person when I am twenty or forty means thinking of myself as someone else as another than myself. Every metamorphosis has something frightening about it.
During the holiday season, I often find myself feeling introspective and contemplative, rather than joyful and festive like many others. This time of year provides an opportunity for me to reflect on the events and experiences that have stood out for me over the past year. As Jawaharlal Nehru, the first prime minister of India, once said, "Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will." In this spirit, I try to assess how well I fared in challenging situations and how well I used the resources that were available to me. I also wonder if I was truly appreciative of the good things that happened to me during the year. While my mom (hi mom!) might think it's another one of my needless attempts at self-flagellation, I believe it's important to reflect on my experiences and make adjustments to live a more meaningful life. With my birthday just a few days away, the end of the year is always a bittersweet time for me, and this year is no exception. ✍🏽
Growing up in Lagos, I always looked forward to Christmas because of the fireworks. While my mom was cooking, my dad would give me money to buy my own fireworks (which we called "banger" or "knockout" in Nigeria) and I wouldn't hesitate to go out and have a blast lighting them up. The Nigerian government eventually banned the use and sale of fireworks in some states because they could start fires and cause harm to people and property. My parents would invite extended family members over and they would all drink and be merry while I added the “war-zone background music” in our garden. I miss those days. Now, on Christmas Day, I politely decline offers from friends to celebrate with them and instead choose to spend the day reading and watching spaghetti westerns. I enjoy my annual routine of spending Christmas alone, though it may change in the future. 🎄
Ideas can be powerful and, if one really grabs hold of you, it can feel like you need an exorcism to shake it off. When I was in my early twenties, I borrowed a book from my uncle's house called Finishing Well by Bob Buford. Although I can't remember anything specific from the book now, I can feel how it has influenced my life and choices. It made me think about how I want to approach the second half of a life I hadn’t yet lived. Now that I'm a decade or less away from that second half, the question becomes more pressing. According to the World Bank, the life expectancy for someone in Nigeria is 55.02 years, so I'm already almost 65% of the way through. The life expectancy for someone in South Africa is 64.38 years, so I wonder what the life expectancy would be for a Nigerian living in South Africa. For the past three years, my yearly routine has included reading Simone de Beauvoir's book Old Age also titled The Coming of Age from December 25th to January 3rd. It's hard to explain, but for some reason it helps me feel less anxious about getting older. This book is a strong criticism of how our society often mistreats and marginalises elderly people. De Beauvoir pointed out that one reason we sometimes mistreat elderly people is because they remind us of the fact that we will all grow old and die one day. She also wrote that the way a society treats its elderly is a reflection of its values, and how we treat the elderly now will be the same fate that awaits us tomorrow. A book that had a strong impact on me this year was May Sarton's As We are Now. It tells the story of a woman who was subjected to such cruelty in an elderly care home that she set the home on fire at the end, killing herself and the other residents to escape the mistreatment. Sarton's book affected me so deeply that I needed to take a long nap because of the emotional impact it had on me. I read the book on my phone, and every time the book opened to the page I was on, the cover didn't reflect the intensity of the content inside. Because it bothered me each time that happened, I decided to try my hand at designing a cover for the book. 🌹
I often reflect on the events of the past year, but I don't always make New Year's resolutions. This is because I've noticed that many people, including myself, have difficulty following through on them. In the past, I have made resolutions but have often not been successful in achieving them, with a success rate of less than 50%. This can be quite demotivating, leading many to not attempt to make resolutions in the following year. But this year, I am going to try a different approach. I believe that there are effective strategies out there for identifying what needs to be changed and following through with the work required to make and maintain those changes. The challenge is how to overcome the friction and pain that often comes with change. As Piet Hein observed, "Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back." Health, wealth, relationships, and service to others are the four areas on which I will be concentrating my efforts over the course of the coming year. To achieve my goals, I plan to break them down into smaller, more manageable pieces and create a plan for how to overcome any challenges that may arise. I recently started reading a book by Katy Milkman called "How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be." Katy is a behavioural scientist and the book is full of advice on how to handle the challenges of change. I'm hoping to learn a lot from this book and I'll keep you all updated on my progress. Wish me luck! I wish you all the best during the holiday season and a happy new year in advance. 🛀
Thanks for reading. If there's anything you'd like to chat about, or if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you. :)