Lessons from 2022: 10 Things I Learned
From How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Katy Milkman (New York: Penguin, 2021), pp. 18:
Why is it that these tools and techniques designed to spur change so often fail? One answer is that change is hard. But a more useful answer is that you haven’t found the right strategy.
Every year brings its own lessons, and in the past, I haven't always made an effort to document them. I assumed I would remember them intuitively, but I'm sure there have been many lessons that I missed. As the saying goes, life will keep repeating its lessons until we learn from them or at least pay attention. Here are ten things that I learned from life in 2022, amongst many others:
You know more than you realize, but at the same time, you also know less than you think: The first realization can boost your confidence, while the second keeps you humble and open to learning and admitting your mistakes. Challenging yourself with something outside of your comfort zone can help you determine whether you know more or less than you thought. It’s the ultimate litmus test in my opinion. 🗝
Things take more time than you anticipate they will: Sometimes it may take two or three times as long. I have set due dates for certain projects, but I have found that I was only able to achieve some of them while others are overdue. This can be quite demotivating at times, but there is something to be learned here: there can be many factors that can prevent things from going as intended. If it's any comfort, things only go as planned in movies. In real life, there are frequently unanticipated events that can throw things off course. ⏰
A high tolerance for frustration is an underrated skill: Because things were so uncertain and I had to adjust so frequently, I was constantly frustrated. Sometimes I was great at adjusting, but other times I was not. The problem is not with taking on projects or setting long-term goals, but with how you deal with the daily emotional ups and downs before you achieve them. It can be challenging to stay positive and motivated when faced with constant change and uncertainty. I guess that's not something they teach in school. 🥷
Get out of your own way: It's no secret that we can sometimes be our own worst enemy. While we may have good intentions and want the best for ourselves, we may engage in behaviors that hold us back in different areas of our life. Instead of getting what we want, we end up with the exact opposite. This may be due to limiting beliefs or difficulty in managing our emotions and ourselves. These challenges can make us terribly unhappy and prevent us from living a meaningful life. It's important to remember that the meaning of life is subjective and you have to figure out what that means for you. I was fortunate to find someone who helped me deal with some of my psychological roadblocks, but I'm sure there are many more that I need to work on. It takes time to correct certain patterns of thought and behavior. As the saying goes, some people would do anything rather than go to therapy. 🧑🏽🔬
Just start and you will figure it out: You might even come to enjoy it. Plus, it tends to get easier once you're already in the midst of it. I have noticed this applies to almost everything I do. I might not be excited to go for a walk, but once I'm out the door, I can walk for as long as my feet will carry me. Eric Weinstein pointed out in an interview that you are by default unqualified to do anything important or hard. You learn the skills as you go. This realization helped me stay grounded in 2022. Even though many things didn't go as planned, I was secretly happy about the skills I was picking up. If you want to write, just write. It may sound trite, but there's some truth to it. 🐼
Treating Life as a Lab: I had to embrace an experimental mindset, even when I wasn't feeling particularly open to it. This approach involves being willing to make changes and adjust your approach based on the results you see. Rather than beating myself up for mistakes, I try to analyze what went wrong and how I could have behaved or acted differently. Sometimes it wasn't my fault, life threw me curve balls and other times I had to own up to my mistakes. It can be difficult to find a balance between acknowledging and learning from your mistakes without getting paralysed by regret or wallowing in self-disdain. I intend to do this more often in 2023 regardless of the accompanying emotional pain. 🔬
Having ideas and being able to execute them are two separate skills: You can either work on improving both skills or you can collaborate with people who excel in one or the other. The gap between having an idea and successfully implementing it can be vast. I underestimated how challenging this can be; however, I am grateful for the opportunity it afforded me to develop both my soft and hard skills. Despite the uncertainty of the year, this made it all worthwhile. 🏋🏽
Mental models decay: Mental models are frameworks that we use to make sense of the world around us. Imagine that you have been living abroad for a few years and then return to your home country one night, feeling hungry and wanting to drive to a nearby restaurant. In your mind, the roads are still the same as they were when you left. However, in reality, the roads may have changed, and if you don't update your mental model to reflect these changes, you could end up in a dangerous situation. For example, if there is construction on the road that you are unaware of, you might continue to drive at the same speed as before and end up in a near-fatal accident. This is because you are relying on an outdated mental model and are not taking into account the changes that have occurred. The rapid pace of change in the world means that the strategies we use to navigate it today may not be effective next week. In order to effectively deal with this fast-paced world, it is important to be flexible and willing to adjust our approaches as needed. 🇳🇬
A lot of challenges stem from the lack of certain skills: When we face challenges, it is often because we lack the skills or knowledge needed to effectively overcome them — If we did, it wouldn’t be a challenge. This could be a lack of technical skills, such as the ability to code or fix a car, or it could be a lack of personal skills, such as the ability to communicate effectively or manage our emotions. In order to overcome these challenges, it is necessary to identify the skills we are lacking and work on developing them. This may involve seeking training or education, seeking advice or guidance from others, or simply practicing and learning through trial and error. By building up our skills and knowledge, we can better equip ourselves to handle the challenges that come our way. 🧩
Good friends make life more enjoyable: I am extremely grateful for the amazing friends in my life who have supported and comforted me. They have helped me refine my ideas, given me feedback on all manner of things, taken me out and shown me a good time and shared in all kinds of fun activities with me. They add so much color and joy to my life, and I don't know where I would be without them. Thank you for always being there for me. ⚕️
Thanks for reading. If there's anything you'd like to chat about, or if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you. :)