Sense of Life #1
From The Tragic Sense of Life in Men and Nations by Miguel de Unamuno (New Jersey: Princeton University Press, 1972), pp. 61 (ePub edition):
There are people, in fact, who appear to think only with their brain, or with whatever else the specific thinking organ may be. And there are others who think with their whole body and soul, with their blood, with the narrow of their bones, with their heart and lungs and viscera, with their whole life. And the people who think only with their brain turn into definition-mongers; they become professionals of thought. And you know what a professional is?
I wanted to post more often, but it's been almost four weeks since my last update. I've been busy with work and other things. It's interesting to know that even though we plan and set goals for ourselves, sometimes things happen that make it hard to do what we wanted to do. At the start of the new year, I made a promise to myself that I would take better care of my mind and body. It's been three months since then, and I'm glad to say that I've been doing a better job compared to the first three months of last year. But it hasn't been easy, and I've faced some challenges along the way. Some of these challenges I've been able to deal with, while others have made me quite unhappy. Even though it's been a bumpy ride, it's also been a worthwhile one. Except for some weeks when I came down with injuries, I tried my utmost to go to the gym as much as possible. Sometimes that meant going two or three times a week, and on other weeks I went every day. But, there were also some weeks where I went only once. This year, I decided to start running again because about ten years ago, running helped me with my melancholia. It made me feel better because after I ran, I felt like my mind was clear and I had a better feel of things. Back then, I mostly ran in the evenings. While on those runs, I prayed and said words of affirmations -- some sort of mantra. This ritual made me less anxious and improved my well-being. Unfortunately, things have changed since a decade ago. I am no longer in my twenties and I am gradually losing my religious beliefs. šÆ
Now I am more prone to injuries when I run. When I speak about these injuries, people who care don't hesitate to remind me that I am not getting any younger which makes me laugh but in essence I know they are right. My mind however, doesn't want to accept a fact my body already knows. The body got the letter, but the mind is busy trying to outrun the postman. The mind is attempting to avoid that letter at all cost and for as long as possible. I somehow think I am still in my 20s and push myself thus -- a classic case of self-delusion. I am going bald and my eyes are also failing to booth. I am considering visiting an optometrist to get a pair of glasses but I am hesitating. There's an obstinacy, an unwillingness to accept that my body will never be the same as time goes by. Anyway, from the 28th of December 2022, for at least two weeks, I ran 5km per day. I suffered an injury in the last week of January ā an aching pain in my left shin. I was curious as to what that was, googled and found out it was a shin splint for running so hard after I had abandoned the hobby for years. I was used to long walks, even if they weren't very often. Running was an entirely different beast. I had hit the ground running and the ground responded by showing me who was boss. Even when it hurt, I kept running, alternating between running shoes to see which one was more favourable for my legs. One of the reasons I just couldn't stop was because I didn't think I had built enough momentum to make this new habit stick. The other reason was the elation you feel during and after a run. It's like a flood of good feelings. After every run, I always feel like I could get anything done, especially things I had procrastinated on. However, when the pain became unbearable, I had to rest for a few days. I was told to ice the area as often as I could, but didnāt really care to. I would apply once and be like screw this, it will heal on its own. Well that didnāt happen, it didnāt heal on its own. Another sore reminder that as you get older, you donāt heal as fast. I used that rest period to watch and read up on some best practices in the world of running. Prior to that I had taken the āmen donāt read manualā route, the āwhy do you need to learn how to runā route and had been promptly corrected by the school of life. Now I partially know better. Remember to always stretch before and after a run. I do pre-run stretches but often forget to or chose not to do post-run stretches. I know that Iāll also pay dearly for that post-run negligence. šāāļø
Now I look forward to my running sessions, and I have also picked up swimming. I picked up swimming so I could still exercise when I was down with running related injuries. I wasnāt really a fan of swimming, never liked cold water. Yes, there are heated pools and what not but youāre more likely to swim in a non-heated pool than a heated one. But I knew I had to rest my legs. I wouldnāt drown in a pool but I had no technique and I couldnāt swim for long periods of time because I didnāt learn proper swimming techniques. So it hit me, just get a swimming coach to help you improve. Everything can be learnt. I was a bit hesitant. Of course, my body/mind didnāt want to try new things or explore new territories. It was used to a way of being and didnāt want to transition into another. I came up with a million excuses not to work with a coach but eventually, I had to grow a pair and just go. The swimming coach was super helpful. Prior to her lessons, I didnāt know you had to breathe under water. She was patient, and helped me get used to that realisation. In the first and second session, I forgot everything she told me, panic and then revert back to my head out of water technique I had learnt when I was younger. How in the name of christ do people do 200 laps in an olympic sized pool? I canāt even pull off 5 laps without struggling for air. I suppose just like with running, you get better with time. How do I know? When I started running again, I could only do 5km straight without stopping but slowly worked that up to 10km without stopping. If anything slowly pushing oneās limit floods one with positive emotions. One thing I have noticed is a fear of looking or feeling clueless when one picks up anything new. This dissuades people from trying. I felt that and that could have stopped me from even trying. I am beginning to wonder what great things I have talked myself out of. šļø
Thanks for reading. If there's anything you'd like to chat about, or if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me anĀ email. I'd love to hear from you. :)