The Burden of Truth #2
From Iliad by Homer, Trans. E.V. Rieu (London: Penguin, 1950), pp. 175-176 (ePub edition):
Swift-footed Achilles replied and said: Put your mind at rest and tell us everything you have learnt from the god. For by Apollo son of Zeus, the very god to “whom you pray, Calchas, when you reveal your prophecies – I swear that as long as I am alive and look on the earth, not one of all the Greeks here by the hollow ships will raise a fist against you, not even if the man you mean is Agamemnon, who now claims to be far the best of all.
At first, I struggled to understand how easily Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite were tricked. Upon further reflection, I realised that their actions were relatable and intuitively familiar. When we read these stories, we must have the humility to recognise that we, too, might have acted foolishly. Like the three goddesses, we often look to others to define our identity, and our self-esteem is sometimes dependent on the approval of others. This esteem is crowdsourced and thus mostly dependent on the mood of the crowd. As a result, we may go to great lengths, even doing things that are not in our best interest, to gain or maintain the approval of those around us. However, the crowd is fickle; one minute they like you, the next they want your head on a spike. We are forced to do this dance, like a gunman firing around us and telling us to dance. I am reminded of Carl Jung's observation that “The world will ask you who you are, and if you do not know, the world will tell you.” The world is always posing this question to us every single day. Our identity is largely shaped by our background and experiences, particularly our interactions with the world around us. These three goddesses, who were powerful, beautiful, wise, and strong, engaged in a competition to decide who among them was the most beautiful. They were not content with their inherent advantages and could only feel validated and satisfied if someone else confirmed their beauty and worth. They even went so far as to sabotage one another in pursuit of validation. 🧚♂
As someone who never liked beauty pageants, this story only reinforces my dislike. Eris, in fact, did not need to exert much effort as the desire for comparison and validation are powerful drugs. The statement by Theodore Roosevelt that "comparison is the thief of joy" rings true. Frequently, we find ourselves comparing ourselves to others, and the result can be either positive or negative. If we feel good, it's usually because we believe we're superior to the person or group we've compared ourselves to, and this brings us happiness. However, if we feel bad, it's usually because we believe we don't measure up to the person or group, and this can cause a lot of unhappiness. We also strive to meet certain standards, even if they are arbitrary, and feel compelled to live up to them. We often don't question who sets these standards for what is considered beautiful, courageous, sane, talented, or worthy. To clarify, these standards are not necessarily useless, but I sometimes think that some should be open for revision or improvement. Before Winnie Harlow, many people thought that vitiligo was unattractive. Those who had the condition were often bullied and mistreated. But now, thanks to Winnie's success as a model, which has included walking in numerous runway shows and amassing 10 million followers on Instagram, people with similar skin can feel more comfortable in their own bodies. Winnie's courage has helped to expand the definition of beauty to include people like her who might have felt excluded before. Nowadays, many people admire Winnie's beauty and cuteness, but just a decade ago, things were different and not as many people appreciated her. 🐝
Comparison isn't necessarily all bad; it can have some benefits if done constructively. While it can lead to negative emotions such as envy and feelings of inadequacy, it can also serve as a motivator – a spur to action. When we witness someone excelling in a particular domain, it's natural to desire similar success. This desire can trigger feelings of envy, but by taking a moment to reflect, we can identify what we admire about them: is it their work ethic, perseverance, resourcefulness, decision making, or problem-solving skills? By pinpointing the qualities that we envy, we can work on cultivating them in ourselves, thereby transcending our own limitations and becoming better individuals overall. Some individuals inspire us to raise our collective ambitions, without us feeling the need to dislodge or diminish their accomplishments — they just show us what is possible. Eliud Kipchoge has broken many records including his own, and his successes have inspired runners all over the world to push themselves to outdo his feats. There is a sense of gratitude and wonderment at what the human body is able to do. I remember watching Eliud Kipchoge's final kilometer on YouTube as he ran a marathon under two hours in Vienna. It was such an emotional experience for me. The commentators didn’t make it any easy to hold back the tears. They too understood the significance of what Eliud had done. In 2003, Paul Tergat, won a marathon and he himself said it was impossible to run a marathon in less than 2 hours, tough luck Paul, because that is now possible because Eliud has shattered that belief and showed us that there are no limits to what we can achieve if we set our minds to it. Many people in different domains demonstrate what we can achieve if we set our minds to it. This is why we're curious about the lives of successful individuals. If they can do it, then we can too. That's one of the reasons why role models are beneficial for children and adults alike. You can only become what you can see. On the other hand, we should also be careful not to take on the limiting beliefs of the role models we look up to. Imagine if Eliud had listened to what Paul Tergat said. If Eliud had simply accepted Paul's statement that running a marathon in less than two hours was impossible, he may have never attempted to break that barrier himself. 👨🏽🎓
Thanks for reading. If there's anything you'd like to chat about, or if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you. :)