YF&A #3
From The Andy Warhol Diaries by Andy Warhol (New York: Warner Books, 1991), pp. 1228 (ePub edition):
Joan Rivers came on with her boa, and she’s funny, but I don’t know how she can say the things she does and get away with it, how she’s not sued. Like she said that Richard Simmons is carrying Rex Reed’s baby, and she says that Christina Onassis looks like an ape, and she did a thing about Nancy Reagan picking her nose with a breadstick. But then afterwards everybody was talking like her, so I guess she’s popular.
The show revolves around the dynamics of interpersonal tensions, how they arise, and how they are resolved. We may not always agree with how these tensions are settled, but as the African proverb goes, there are multiple paths that lead to a market. I will try to comment on the ones that stuck out for me: Annie & Swanky, Andile & diamond, Bonang & Nadia + Khanyi, Lois and Swanky + Bonang, Lois & Swanky and lastly let’s not forget Fantana & Zari. Now that I think about it, when those names are combined, they sound like the names of law firms. Starting with Annie and Swanky, certain Nigerian cultures and I will venture to say African cultures as a whole, assign great importance to age. If someone is even a minute older than you, they are considered your elder and are entitled to respect. This cultural norm is deeply ingrained, even in the language itself. For example, in the Yoruba language, honorific pronouns are used to address individuals based on their age. "e" is used to address someone who is older, while "o" is used for peers or colleagues. The honorific pronoun "e" also applies to authority figures, including religious leaders and individuals of high social status. In the show, Annie consistently brings up her age, firmly believing that it should earn her a certain level of respect from someone younger like Swanky. In her mind, this expectation of respect is a cultural norm that Swanky must adhere to, regardless of their location or grievances. She also voiced her disapproval of Khanyi cursing at her during the party, emphasizing the fact that she is the mother of a teenager and should not be spoken to in such a manner. Annie firmly believes that her role as a parent should command a certain level of respect and consideration. In certain cultures, motherhood is seen as an esteemed achievement, unlocking a higher level of societal respect. A married woman with children is often regarded as occupying a higher position, a few rungs above a married woman without kids, and significantly higher than an unmarried woman.
Annie's stance stems from her awareness that these cultural norms are observed in many parts of the continent. Although they are friends, Annie will never consider Swanky a peer. The age difference will forever be an immovable hurdle that prevents them from being “equal.” This therefore makes it difficult for Annie to admit to any wrongdoing on her part, even though it seems like she’s probably the one in the wrong. Another point that Annie hinted at during her first meeting with Swanky was recalling how he used to plead with her to style her husband, but now fame has seemingly gotten to his head. She mentioned this before highlighting her own popularity in Nigeria. I suspect that she felt a tinge of envy towards Swanky's success and wanted to exclusively host the rest of the YF&A crew in Nigeria to either clip his wings or ensure she wouldn't be overshadowed. I know it’s a bleak take but the question for us all is how do you react to a friend’s rise? Because the dynamics of a friendship or relationship will inevitably change. I know that it doesn’t require restating but friendships/relationships evolve. It doesn’t mean we will be ready or OK with that evolution. Perhaps what Annie was attempting to convey, though unable to articulate, was her longing for a version of Swanky that she had experienced before. It's possible that due to Swanky's increasing demands and commitments, he was spending less time with Annie, which left her with mixed emotions. It's interesting how our unarticulated emotions can sometimes manifest as unkindness and malice towards others. However, emotions are inherently challenging to articulate. We are not taught how to do so effectively. I, too, suck at diagnosing the reasons behind my emotions or reactions. I believe there should be courses on emotional literacy, teaching us how to identify and label various emotions, no matter how ambiguous they may seem. Knowing how to label emotions is one thing but understanding how to navigate and manage them is another. We often prioritize learning hard skills in school, but tend to overlook the significance of developing soft skills, which are equally important.
It’s funny too that although people find it hard to apologise to someone their junior, this is not the case when they are in a romantic or sexual relationship. It’s like marriage or sex just make age based difference disappear. Regardless of the age difference, partners can communicate freely without concerns of disrespect. It’s like age becomes a non-factor when genitals meet — sex becomes the great equaliser. While others might point out the age disparity between us and our partners, they fail to see that we don’t see the age gap any longer. We see our partners now as equals. The verse from Genesis that states, "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" now makes a bit more sense to me. By transcending its religious context, we can see that the partners are united not only physically but also in spirit and essence, becoming equal entities. In my heart of hearts, I hold a deep admiration for the union between the French president and his wife. I suspect that during the campaign, they may have cautioned him about the potential impact of his union on his presidential aspirations and perhaps advised him to leave his wife and pursue someone younger. It's quite intriguing that when an older man is in a relationship with a woman or man twenty-five years their junior, it doesn't seem to raise any eyebrows. However, if the situation were reversed, people, just like I am now, wouldn't hesitate to point it out. I don't have a deep understanding of French politics or the extent to which his policies have benefited France, but I admire both him and his wife for their courage in staying committed to each other through it all. I wonder if a man or woman would have had the same opportunity to become a president of any African nation under similar circumstances. If a woman were married to a man 25 years her junior, the odds of her becoming President is significantly lower or near impossible. [to be continued]
Thanks for reading. If there's anything you'd like to chat about, or if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you. :)